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Thanks to Matt Saraceni (@iamnotmatt) on Twitter for sharing this photo of Basil and Manuel at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival this week, but can anyone guess what Basil’s saying?

Basil and Manuel have it out at the "Faulty Towers Dining Experience".

A photo posted by Matt Saraceni (@mattsaraceni) on

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Frankly my dear, I don’t give Edam!

To celebrate Faulty Towers The Dining Experience appearing in the home of Gouda cheese in the Netherlands this week, we thought we’d share some of our favourite cheesey cheese jokes.

If you’ve got any of your own we’d love to hear them. You can share them with us on Facebook or tweet us, @thefaultytowers.

Q: What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?
A: All that was left was de brie.

Q: What do you call cheese that is sad?
A: Blue cheese.

Q: How do you get a mouse to smile?
A: Say cheese!

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho Cheese!

Q: Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses?
A: R’n’Brie

Q: What hotel do mice stay in?
A: The Stilton

Q: What did the cheese salesman say?
A: That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!

Q: What cheese should you use to hide a horse?
A: Mascarpone.

Q: What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution?
A: Caerphilly

Q: Why does cheese look sane?
A: Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.

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The fish, the whole fish & nothing but the fish.

(Pictured:  4 year old fellow fish in props kit, now out of retirement due to the disappearance)










(Pictured:  4 year old fellow fish in props kit, now out of retirement due to the disappearance)

Internationally acclaimed touring plastic fish and integral part of Faulty Towers The Dining Experience’s props kit, was last seen on Sunday 3 February 2013 at 15:42 hours, leaving Odeon Theater, Zwolle in woman’s handbag.

A witness explained: “The woman met the fish and became emotionally attached to it almost immediately. It looked just like a fish her recently deceased Father owned.” This is no joke, no laughing matter and certainly no red herring.

The fish (less than 2 months in the team) had been commissioned to replace an older, rather more tired fish (pictured above).  It had been shipped around the world and customised to meet high Faulty standards. Screws and eyes had been added, the body lacquered and the fish weighted in a technique developed by experts over more than a decade.

Please note: If you see the fish please remember he cannot swim due to some weight issues.

Some reactions to the disappearance:

Half fish (and fellow member of the props kit) says:

“I’m in pieces!”


Basil Faulty (denies intimate relationship with fish) says:

“I was very attached to it.  I often felt it was a part of me.”


Sybil Faulty says:

“The fish will not be missed.”


Prop Rat says:

“It could have been me!”


Witness 1 – Alice, aged 6 says:

“What fish?”


Witness 2 –  Anonymous says:

“He was just in the wrong plaice at the wrong time”


Alexander, of the Odeon Zwolle, had this to say on the matter:

“I really don’t know where it is. We don’t have a name.”


The fish was a firm favourite in the props kit community and his disappearance will be sorely felt.

Investigations continue. For more updates please see @thefaultytowers.

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